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Nareli had been socially distant from the other Kai’s ever since her recent awakening, but no one had ever investigated why she was being so anti-social. Kai’s that were old enough might have remembered the social butterfly the little blue goddess had been at some point long long ago, though even then that just didn't seem to be enough to tempt anyone to check up on her. Even Nareli herself who had no desire for anyone to ever find out what sort of things went through her head was beginning to wonder why none of the other Kai's had approached her. Surely, they must have sensed something by now, despite Nareli's best efforts to suppress herself through constant almost excessive meditation.
The little blue Kai was sitting on her knees and combing her fingers through the grass absent-mindedly with a concerned expression on her face as she tried to figure out why it was that she wasn't being bothered. She was starting to become paranoid, thinking that the other Kai's did infact know of what it was that she was hiding and were just forming some elaborate plan to dispose of her cleanly. The idea made her flinch. No one wanted to be separated from a family that was mostly good to them. Even if Kai's were not one for such emotional attachments, Nareli couldn't help but feel nothing but love for the other Kaioshin. It was scary that thinking even a bond as pure as that could turn her to the wrong side if she played her cards in correctly.
She couldn't help but feel other things, too. Like an overly strong and irrational passion towards all things mortal and living. Even those who were on a darker or less famous path from those more deserving of a Kai’s attention. The worst crime she had committed thus far was an experiencing an attraction far beyond simple friendship for three different people, at least two of them being mortals.
Nareli clenched her teeth, groaning and shaking her head when once again her forbidden thoughts and feelings came crawling to her. She took her hand away from the grass and ran it through her hair. This whole corruption risk nonsense was beginning to drive her crazy. Every time she felt this way it was soon followed by a headache and she could never tell if it was confirming her fears or of it was just her body telling her she was stressing herself far too much over this. Not even her quiet surroundings and unique beautiful scenery around the Z-Sword plateau could do anything to help her focus on her meditation by this point.
WC: 446
[OOC: Nareli's perception of how Kai's should feel is purposefully a 'little' exaggerated and messed up. Her screws are a little 'bent'~]
Over the past years things seemed to be getting... interesting, to say. Never had the universe gone under as much turmoil as it had now. Not in this kai's life. Several of her peers had taken themselves far into the mortal realm. Some maiming themselves in order to, with futility, intervene and others subjugating themselves to cruel methods of spying and aiding. A more recent Northern Kai had taken his own life upon the temples of their overworld in order to live among them. The natural course of things was never good enough for these misguided friends of hers. But... these overwhelming feelings were starting to drag on her older mind. And this presence that something wasn't quite right with a sister of hers seemed to grate the last bit of resolve in her.
"All the others are preoccupied, and the new golden child will not yet be able to carry the capacity of their position. Hrmm." The larger supreme kai arose from her meditation in the temple of the upper worlds, tapping the ground with her staff in hand twice, vanishing in an instant to appear among the fields of that very field, gracefully falling to a sitting position just next to Nareli. A larger being my virtue, she'd be careful not to come on too strong. Leaning back with her staff standing up in her grasp next to her.
"It's been too long since you've been left to your own. What ails you?" Most of what the grand got from these overlapping feelings of endangerment was that something was terribly wrong with her fellow shinjin. With everything else that had gone on her mind felt muddled. And she''d done nothing about up to this point either.
Nareli reacted just as a child would caught red-handed in the middle of something they probably really shouldn't be. She sprang to her feet with a loud gasp and spun around to face Diana like a doe on the headlights. Quickly though she eased up, seeing who it was that spoke to her. “Oh, Diana..” Nareli let out a relieved sigh placed a hand to her chest to calm her heart.
She paused when she thought about the question. It wasn't that she didn't know how to answer, it's that she was afraid to. The fear she felt was clear from the look on her eye as she continued to stare at Diana with her eyes wide and her lips pressed into a tight line. Slowly, her mouth would open without a word yet being said and she would avert her gaze slightly down towards Diana's feet. “I.. Don't think you'd like the answer to that question. I think it best I keep trying to handle it on my own.” She responded dryly, shaking her head.
The little blue goddess then sighed as if defeated and looked back up at Diana. “I will be fine, though. I think it is just the stress of my position getting to me. I'm sure I'll adjust.” Nareli knew she could trust the Grand Supreme in most cases, but in this particular case she couldn't bear to see her reaction. It would break her to have to see a fellow shinjin look upon her with either disgust or shame.. or both.
Many things made her wonder as to why the smol blue kai would want to keep this problem to herself. years ago she would have been very vocal of her thoughts. Diana could understand the pressure bit though; Everyone but her was running themselves insane trying to deal with the current state of the universe. The grand kai couldn't rack her brain around it just yet anyways. While her love for the beauty of her worlds encapsulated a lot of what she spent her time on she was always distant towards individuals. That, right there, was a dangerous game to play.
"If you really think so. The others have been under stress and tribulations as well. Worryingly so, it seems like everything is slipping unlike anything before. I usually don't ask anything of my peers but I wish to help." The grand kai was ready to sit among the fields for a while to hear her out. GoD knows she doesn't have much better she could do right now, given she just now decided to act outside her own bounds for once.
"Liking the answer or not is below me. Below us. I care for the truth Nareli. And the truth is that I need everyone here with me to pull up against this encroaching bad feeling I sense. I'm sure you've witnessed it too."
Nareli didn't think Diana would insist. She began to nervously toy with her hands and looked down at her feet. If Diana truly wanted to help then what was the worst that could possibly happen? Not even a scolding seemed likely, given Diana's demeanor and expressed desire to be helpful. It was hard for someone even as paranoid as Nareli to just remain firm in their silence. Especially when considering this silence could turn out quite deadly.
With a deep sigh, Nareli threw her hands down to her sides as if in defeat. Yeah, there was definitely no hiding it from her. She just couldn't allow herself to lie to the Grand Supreme. “I've been having feelings of extreme anger and of lust.. they've been coming to me ever since I woke up and the only way I can stop myself from crossing an uncrossable line is meditating. But even that is proving to be ineffective. All I get from it now is a head splitting headache..” She spoke more firmly and to the point, better not to beat around the bush and just come out with it than to hesitate and get nowhere with the conversation. Regardless though, she knew to expect the worst.
It was as she had thought. Nobody who was alright sat allow so dreary upon the Z plateau. Diana watched the subtle nervous gestures of the blue kai before hearing her out on it, staring her in the eyes with those beady orange crystals of her own. Eye contact was important here, as was too calming gestures as the bigger kai tried taking one of those nervous hands into her own. Patting it like a mother would try soothing a hurt child. The admission to mortal feelings was alien, perhaps dangerous. Others have already sacrificed moral value in order to benefit individuals or groups. It seemed to be a growing trend.
"Ahh, I see why now you hesitated in telling. It's okay to feel some pleasantries, but strong emotion can blot your judgement. You're an overseer of the stars and planets, Nareli. You mustn't act on these tendencies... Tell me, have you tried doing anything else other than meditate? You've much of this holy ground to yourself you know, recreation can be made. Many things can be used to distract you of these thoughts." Genuine concern was written on her face as she turned a bit more towards the blue kai, rubbing the back of her, if captured, hand in a random pattern, trying to ease the girl into lighter and more interesting ideas of conserving against those thoughts.
Nareli had no objections to letting Diana take her hand. It helped her to relax and lower her shoulders. Her brief moment of ease seemed to end though after Dians next spoke. The blue Kai shook her head, lowering her gaze to her feet in shame. “I know.. I know too well what I am and what I'm supposed to do and I can't help but feel like that's what has me feeling this way.” She sighed deeply before continuing to speak. “I've wanted so badly to act on my urges. So badly it legitimately physically hurt, and the only thing that had been stopping me was the restrictions on our people interacting with the living.” The little Kai began to sound modly desperate as she gripped Diana's hand lightly as if to seek security.
Nareli nodded her head with a gentle 'mhm’. “I've tried training and even finding a.. ‘cute’ guardian. Training doesn't seem to do anything but irritate me, and seeking an attractive guardian despite all my purest intentions to maybe offset my darker ones only seems to make these corrupt thoughts of mine come more frequently and more painfully. I don't know what do, Diana.. if I become corrupt I have to leave here and never come back. There would be no coming back from crossing that line and, I just..” Nareli paused, her grip on Diana's hand tightening to a point it may have been painful. Looking at her face though it was easy to see why; her face expressed fear and confusion and she appeared to be staring off into the distance likely somewhat lost in her own discouraging and self-loathing thoughts. Tears had welled up in the corner of the blue Kai's eyes.
“I-I can't take it.. It hurts so much. I'm confused and afraid and I don't know what to do that won't hurt anyone else.” Nareli whined gently and looked up at Diana with pleading and tear filled eyes.
Diana let the grip of the smaller kai pinch down onto her, trying to ease Nareli with a massaging grasp. Poor girl, the grand kai could only partially imagine the afflictions that she succumbed to. For the most part she has had blissful ignorance over those of recent events. Most interactions she has had with the living realm have been lighthearted and just full of curiosity. Never before had she had to act out on these mortal urges that her peer now feels. The large kai sighed, as it was sad to see a god of creation break down like her. Like Maikeru. Like anyone, really. She never took it so personally to the mortal realm, but now it had affected her colleagues.
"Hey, come now. I've known you since forever, this is something we can try and work out. I tire of watching us tear ourselves up over all that has happened recently in the worlds. Worry not Nareli. I will not allow the kaiju tree to forsake you." Diana took her free hand up to try and wipe some of the incoming tears that would inevitably let out from the emotional kai. Trying her best to accommodate her friend. Then she'd try to part some of her hair, trying her best to organize and tidy up the little one with her motherly touch.
"Finding a guardian of your own did not suit you then. Perhaps we can set out in helping the mortal realm together. If it's comfort you want I am here. I can... understand the pain. Really. Maikeru's Departure made me feel cold. Like something wasn't right among the worlds. Maybe it was time we all put our heads together." So many have sacrificed as of late. Diana would wait to see how Nareli would take her actions and words before prssing on though, nodding her head in understanding to her overall plight.
Nareli did her best to contain her emotions, at least enough so that she could think a little more reasonably and speak. The small Kai sniffled and rubbed at her eyes and nose with her sleeve before opening her mouth to say something she probably really shouldn't have in front of the Grand Supreme Kai of all people. “I don't care what the Kaiju tree thinks of me, Diana.” The Northern Kai spoke in a soft and shaky voice, but there was an unmistakable and uncharacteristic coldness to her words. “The only reason corruption scares me is that I don't want to be separated from you or the rest of my..” Nareli paused, furrowing her brow and pursing her lips clearly uncertain about her next words. “Yes, my family. You and the others are all my family.” She nodded to herself, affirming to herself that her words were true. “But with Maikeru and Rumia gone it seems as if the only reason I have left to stick around is you.. Even Adel, the woman who was supposed to be my guardian has gone away as well.” Nareli's voice broke near the time she finished speaking. A hand traveling up to ball into a loose fist under her mouth as she let out a slight whimper.
She took a deep, shaky breath as she pulled her hand away trying to hold back her tears. The pain within her head and chest only grew more intense the more she thought about just how hopeless her situation seemed to becoming. “I don't care about the tree.. I don't care about the rules. But if going along with the tree and all these rules means being able to stay here then I would quietly endure the pain.. Though, it doesn't seem like you'll allow me to suffer in silence anytime soon.” The little Kai couldn't help but crack a slight smile, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Kinda sad when you think about it.."
It was as she feared. The small supreme kai had started developing strong enveloping feelings. Something if not controlled would prove dangerous. Nareli came at her with the lost kais Diana now felt partially responsible for and it was true that becoming forsaken by the tree would banish her from the lands. She even muttered it allowed, her rebel against the tree out of moral. She was instead just following it for her own sake and for theirs. The taller supreme let Nareli go as she wanted to be let go of and looked away from the sobbing mess.
"Nareli, you know that's a dangerous feeling to hold inside you. But it can be worked around, so long as you do nothing to make you corrupt we'll be fine. All of us, yes. I will not sit idly and allow you to tear yourself apart. There must be another way to deal with it, right?" Diana looked towards the sies with a bit of a sigh, then trying to further comfort the smaller kai by wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Pulling hr close to perhaps even cry into her. She'd pat too with her free hand given the opportunity.
"We can work together to find yourself a guardian, a friend. Maybe something else within our limits you desire. Tell me it and I will do my best. It just... I can't let you curse yourself like that openly. I'm a fair guardian, there has to be something we could do to help rather than give into it."
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