Post by Jie Shan Lan Dian on Mar 13, 2017 20:45:36 GMT -5
Amarath
A few things.
All Saiyans have dark eyes. We have only have one exception to that on the site and that character was albino. Gold eyes would be unheard of in a Saiyan, not rare, so I am going to have to ask you to change that, please.
Secondly, on the matter of personality and character: where are his flaws? To me, he seems rather... without flaw. If I am missing some, I apologize, but I would like for you to lay out character weakness and flaws more plainly.
On the matter of history, I am fine with him coming from a small conclave of Saiyans on Earth. I am even alright with the idea of a group of them being protectors, though it does seem to contradict the idea that these freshly revived Saiyans, still from the harsh, warrior culture of Vegeta so willingly take up the protection of Earth.
However, this idea of a new thread will have to go. The idea of a planet-level threat that does not exist in our current canon or timeline will have to go in the interest of maintaining site coherency. Instead, might I suggest some other means to tear the group apart? Internal fighting, a betrayal, a need to go off planet, et cetera?
Fix these issues, tag me, and you will be good to go.
A few things.
All Saiyans have dark eyes. We have only have one exception to that on the site and that character was albino. Gold eyes would be unheard of in a Saiyan, not rare, so I am going to have to ask you to change that, please.
Secondly, on the matter of personality and character: where are his flaws? To me, he seems rather... without flaw. If I am missing some, I apologize, but I would like for you to lay out character weakness and flaws more plainly.
On the matter of history, I am fine with him coming from a small conclave of Saiyans on Earth. I am even alright with the idea of a group of them being protectors, though it does seem to contradict the idea that these freshly revived Saiyans, still from the harsh, warrior culture of Vegeta so willingly take up the protection of Earth.
However, this idea of a new thread will have to go. The idea of a planet-level threat that does not exist in our current canon or timeline will have to go in the interest of maintaining site coherency. Instead, might I suggest some other means to tear the group apart? Internal fighting, a betrayal, a need to go off planet, et cetera?
Fix these issues, tag me, and you will be good to go.